


Your Mission

by Hilarita



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-04-09
Updated: 2005-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:33:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28390074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hilarita/pseuds/Hilarita
Summary: Crackfic from McTabby's Nightmare Pairing meme.  My inspiration for this horrendous piece of dodginess is Anj's Draco/Umbridge scenario, with AmazingSexGod!Draco, trying to tongue his way into mastery, caught out by Umbridge's strap-on.  The poor virgin screams and is A Big Nellie Bottom. He takes advantage of his new power to be eeevil, especially since his position requires weekly renewal.Oddly enough, this is 18+ material, Draco/Umbridge, Draco/Snape, Draco/Harry, mention of Draco/just about everyone
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Dolores Umbridge, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy/Severus Snape





	Your Mission

**Author's Note:**

> Crackfic from McTabby's Nightmare Pairing meme. My inspiration for this horrendous piece of dodginess is Anj's Draco/Umbridge scenario, with AmazingSexGod!Draco, trying to tongue his way into mastery, caught out by Umbridge's strap-on. The poor virgin screams and is A Big Nellie Bottom. He takes advantage of his new power to be eeevil, especially since his position requires weekly renewal.  
> Oddly enough, this is 18+ material, Draco/Umbridge, Draco/Snape, Draco/Harry, mention of Draco/just about everyone
> 
>   
> 

_Dear Draco,  
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to run interference with Umbridge on behalf of Slytherin House. We want Umbridge deep in our debt and 100% blackmailable. Do whatever you have to do - your prowess was noted earlier this year when I had to revive Pansy, the Granger girl and half of Hufflepuff and Blaise after your ill-timed Quidditch bet with Potter. We'll say no more about it if this mission is successful.  
Yours,  
S Snape_

As Draco read the note for a second time, it burst into flames. He chucked it at the hearth, where it disintegrated. He thought it was rather mean of Snape to mention the bet, but he was always prepared to put his talents to use for the sake of Slytherin. After all, his ready tongue had won Crabbe and Goyle a passing mark in herbology last year. Surely Umbridge would succumb to his wondrous charms; she couldn't possibly be getting enough.

After a bath and some careful robe selection, Draco was ready to go. It was nearly curfew - time to loiter outside Umbridge's office.

Phase 1 went perfectly to plan.

"Excuse me, but what are you doing out after curfew?" Draco showed Umbridge his prefect's badge.  
"I was just checking there weren't any Gryffindors out. They're a terrible lot for rule-breaking, you know. It's wonderful to get a chance to have a word with you. This school's been going to the Muggles, and my father is so pleased that you're taking a strong hand here." He fluttered his eyelashes in a way that had got him blow-jobs from at least twelve Slytherins. His flattery seemed to work; she invited him into her office.

He babbled inanely about keeping an eye on Potter, his irrational behaviour, inserting as many innuendoes as he possibly could. He slid off his chair and perched on the edge of the desk. Now he leaned closer and gave the look which had allowed him to deflower the MacMillan boy.

It worked. She was quite blatant about it, which worried Draco slightly. She just giggled and said, "Now you mention it," and hiked up the skirts of her robe. She wasn't wearing any underwear, so Draco dove straight in, wiggling his tongue like the little serpent he was. His skills in this department had left a Ravenclaw girl prostrate in the infirmary for two days afterwards. He flicked and nibbled as if his life depended on it.

"Oh yes, carry on, harder, deeper, ahhh!"

Draco was just kneeling back and shutting his eyes against the hideous pinkness of the surrounding decor when a hand grabbed him by the shoulder and slammed him face-first on top of the desk. He struggled and tried to get up.

"Oh no, my pretty, I've got you exactly where I want you," said Umbridge in her sweetest voice. Draco felt this was a bit much, and she was clearly the bitch queen from hell if she wanted anything at all after experiencing his oral technique. She lifted up his robes and stroked her hand across his bare skin (well, no proper pureblood wore underpants once they'd mastered a certain charm). Draco squirmed.

"It's no use dear," she simpered, as Draco heard drawers being opened and the sound of buckles being done up.

She rammed straight in without any preparation. Draco had no bloody idea that she had a strap-on and lube hidden in a drawer in her office, but he supposed (in retrospect) that it passed the time in detentions. He had no idea that what she'd just done was even physically possible. He howled and screamed, "I'm a fucking virgin, you power-crazed bitch!"

"Ah, that's just what I like to hear," she crooned as she slammed in and our of Draco, who screamed, bawled and whined his displeasure, his fingers gripping the edge of the desk while she rammed away.

"You fucking bitch! I won't be able to walk for days!"

"It doesn't matter. You've earnt yourself some lovely privileges, my dear. If you come here each week, I have a very special job for you. You'll like that, won't you?" He agreed, after hearing her terms, of course. Any Slytherin would.  
He slunk back to his dormitory, handkerchief pressed to his arse. He only made it through the door to the common room before passing out from sheer horror.

When he came round he was lying face-down on a sofa in the common room. There was a puddle of blood near the door and Crabbe and Goyle in a dead faint. Snape had a finger up his arse, smearing on some ointment.

"You're a fucking bastard, Snape! The bitch-woman had a fucking enormous strap-on. I was saving myself for you and that woman went and bloody well fucked me!"

"I take it you did get something out of it."

"What kind of Slytherin do you think I am? Of course I did! But I have to have a weekly reaming from that cow!"  
"Oh dear, oh dear. Tell you what, Draco. I'll shag you at least as often as she does. A nice healthy stretched arse will make it much better. And of course you've got a perfect licence to torture Potter."

"Well, since you've started sir, you might as well carry on..."

Snape seemed fairly eager, but he did at least prepare Draco thoroughly. in the process demonstrating that, despite Draco's good looks, there was really only one Sex God in Slytherin. There was a brief interruption not long after Snape had really got into his stride, when Crabbe and Goyle came round and promptly passed out again at the sight of their master being well shagged by Snape, but they didn't let themselves get distracted.

The next evening saw Draco prowling the corridors in pursuit of Potter. It was the work of a moment to trip him up and drag him into a deserted classroom for a warm-up blow-job before seeing Snape. Potter proved unexpectedly amenable after a detention with Umbridge was mentioned. Draco could only presume that he'd met the strap-on too.

The next week Draco decided he needed more shags from Snape, and a piece of Potter's arse. Umbridge had introduced him to her flogger.  



End file.
